Maybe, Maybe Not

I had the privilege of serving my country during Operation Desert Storm with the 82ND Airborne. This past week or so I had been feeling a bit nostalgic as our 16 year anniversary rolled around of our return home. One of my best friends and I from my former unit began to talk about a 20 year reunion so I decided to see if I could find guys through the Internet with virtual ease. It worked much better than I ever anticipated. One number did cost me $7.99, but it was well worth it. Getting in contact with my former friends from the old unit brought back a lot of forgotten memories. Some things that I let go of since becoming a Christian were pointed out to me with laughter from some of the guys. One was shocked that I was in full time ministry.

Since becoming a Christian there has always been something that had troubled me about my time in Desert Storm. As we were leaving the country a group of us who were extremely close did something that made our commanding officer look bad. I never gave it a second thought until I came to know Jesus. Since that time the thought of our war time mishap would rear its ugly head in my mind. I had even had several dreams about it. I kept telling myself that if I could ever find my former commander that I would approach him and ask for forgiveness since I was under his command and it reflected greatly upon his leadership. During my Internet nostalgic frenzy I decided that I would try to locate my former commander and through 3 days of clicking and cross checking I located him. It took another day or so to get the nerve to call his house.

Today I left a message for him and within 10 minutes he returned my call. We talked for a while and then I reminded him of the famous "incident" but prefaced it with "I am now in full time ministry" with the hope for a little compassion and leverage. He remembered it once I mentioned it and let me get years of regret off of my chest. He granted me grace and reminded me that during that time I was just a kid even though they trained me how to kill effectively. After being gracious to me we began to talk about our lives and shared a few stories. We finished the conversation with him giving me his cell phone number and promising to talk more with one another. For years I had presumed that he would not be as gracious as he was when and if I had the chance to seek forgiveness, but that was proved wrong this morning. Had I not called and tried I would never have known.

Receiving forgiveness is not always so simple. I wrote an article on this blog once titled HEALED in reference to my former ministry. One of the guys from the Church became outraged by it and even though he commented anonymously I knew who it was. I sent him an email to try to work through the problem, but never heard back from him. I freely admitted where I as wrong and talked about my frustrations in that ministry. Some of what when on he probably did not know about. As Christians we will not always have those we seek forgiveness from ready to be as gracious to us as my former commander. We must seek the forgiveness where we have wronged others and trust that no matter what the outcome is we have done what is expected of us by God. How will you know unless you make an attempt? One thing is for certain you will have greater peace with God for trying!

DECISIONS

About a week ago I received a phone call that my brother was arrested. The charges against him are severe and it will be months before we know what the outcome of all of this will be. Going down this road is difficult for my family and it is something that is heavy upon my heart. Looking at my brothers life I realize that most people who get into his position did not get there overnight. There is a progression in every persons life that leads them to where they are currently. Its all about DECISIONS! I love my brother and would do not want him in the position he made, but his own DECISIONS have put him in his current position.

No matter who we are in this life we are making a multitude of DECISIONS each day that will affect our lives for the coming months and years. In a culture that does not seem to slow down we need to remember to make the wisest DECISIONS that we can for every facet of our lives. Everyone wants to have their lives changed in certain ways, but most of the time they do not want to put in the effort to change them. Change means making some new DECISIONS about how you are living and then putting in the effort to turn it around. If there is one phrase that I despise in our culture it is "Well that's just they way I am!" Really? Is that working for you? Is that working for your family and friends? Have you attained some higher level of enlightenment by remaining the same? A person who wants people to accept them for who they are regardless of the negativity in their lives is a person who is DECIDING that DECISIONS don't really matter.

Galatians 6:7-9 states "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." That is a promise from God to those who are willing to make good DECISIONS and constantly strive to live by a greater standard than the worlds.

Make a DECISION every day that you are going to live in such a way right now that you will reap good benefits in your future. Every DECISION in your life everyday will determine what you will be reaping tomorrow and beyond.

Waiting

"O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I will never pray to anyone but you. Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly (Psalm 5:1-3, NLT)."

Faith is having hope in God's movement in our lives. Faith is a trust that goes beyond the limits of my mind and transcends to an eternal expectation of movement from the hand of our Creator. We talk about faith because we are in a faith relationship through Jesus Christ with God. We use the word faith with regularity that sometimes we forget that with faith comes waiting.

I believe that when I give a situation over to God that He has begun to move in that situation the moment that I handed it over to Him. Faith is trust! The problem we have with faith is that we want God to move within a time frame that we feel would be most beneficial to us, others, or our situation. This is the most difficult part of our life of faith with God. We forget that God is infinite (unlimited) and we are finite (limited). Since God sees the big picture I have a trust in Him that He will answer my prayer and move in my situation in a way that He deems to be the very best. Knowing that should bring me more comfort, but it does not always work like that. I become frustrated and wonder what God is doing while I am still in my discomfort or turmoil. I begin to question if my faith is really big enough. I start to wonder if there is something amiss in my life that is holding God's blessing back from my life pertaining to the request that I keep making everyday.

Through much reflection and more time in prayer I begin to realize that I am a servant of God. I start to realize that He is not waiting to meet my every demand, request, or concern. I begin to realize that He loves me and is concerned for every aspect of my life and I remind myself that He is moving, but in a way that I cannot always understand and sometimes do not always appreciate. He is LORD! He knows what is needed and His timing is always perfect. I realize that I will never fully understand prayer and faith this side of Heaven and I accept that what I want for the moment is only relief, desire, or comfort.

As a Christian I have learned that I must resolve within myself to live a life by faith as Christ has called me to. That means that I trust God for the outcome of everything that I put in His hand regardless of what happens. I am praying with tears sometimes for a situation that is frustrating for some people I know, but I believe God is moving in His way and in His time. To continue to pray for this situation and not see the results that everyone is praying for is frustrating, but I believe by faith that God's purpose is much bigger than my personal desires. Waiting is one of the most difficult aspects of the Christian life, but it is a normal process that we all go through.